The Madness

 What have you done to me, in these final moments? You have both destroyed me and pushed your breath into my lungs. I never wanted it, the dust is dirty, it is dark. Yet now, as I run for my life through the blackness, I fear the darkness ahead is so much bigger. I fear the dull.

I had to make this choice. I had to decide, I had to decide for the good of all. The lesser of two evils. How does one know? What is it that we can trust really? To tell Heaven from Hell, is it possible to do ? And in the end, which is which? What marks heaven holy and hell evil?

I have gone mad. With you I have tasted liquid insanity. Sometimes I couldn't help but crave it, that sickeningly sweet, exotic taste. But as a tablespoon of butter spread upon the warmed bread is so delightful, to eat lard by the spoonful will drop you to the floor.

 I stayed upon my knees, looking straight ahead for sometime. I didn't dare look down, nor did I gaze up. I did not blink, I barely breathed. I did not speak, I did not feel or love or face anything but my reflection.

When I finally did speak, my voice was not my own. It was separate from this thing within. Its claws purring at my spine, worming under my skin. No holy mark to cast it out , or blue bird to sing the lullaby.

It hurts now. It is so heavy. What do I do? Where do I go? There is a certain sadness I have felt before, scars still stretch. I remember this , how did I climb so high, to fall with the landslide ? To fall back to the base?

The fire rises, as the wave comes crashing down. And I watch you all disappear, I myself am lost into oblivion. And there are no words I can comfort my children with. There is no loving touch I can offer, with these limbs so dismembered. I sunk, we all sunk. I had once seen brighter moments. I still hope. I still crave, though I have forgotten the feeling. But something still believes. That is my humanity. Shall it burn out, shall it run dry, I will be cold. I will have lost all trace of it. And that is when we know.