Summer & Space

Summer is the only time I truly feel alive. Here in the night I sit, under the vast sky,  remembering it all.

Dreams are difficult to separate from reality, though I wonder if either exist.

I've seen this garden before, this place means something good. This I know. But here in the darkness, I lose myself. I forget my skin, and I ask the most difficult questions. I tell you over and over again I am sorry. And I am, I wish I could cry for you. I wish I could bleed for you, I wish I could take it all away. I wish I could lie. 

There are those, still standing, who wander the darkness. So shallow are the bowls in which their hearts rest. They always have an intention hidden from their tongue. 

In these hours I just need the sky , and the stars. I won't admit I need you. I cannot. 

I remember the summer not too long ago, though it feels like lifetimes. I remember the warm nights, there in your arms yet a million miles away. I smell the sweet smell of it, as if the memories are on the breeze. The innocence of ignorance. Of a small square of Earth providing the waking moment. 

I have learned to find comfort from the torment, that of being alone. Sometimes I can barely bring myself to stand, to face anything at all. Sometimes I wonder if I will survive the echo of my own thoughts. Always I wonder why.

-

So I held out my hand to you, on the platform, against the vast backdrop of space in all its glory. All the signs were posted, flashing bright, lined with lights. They read "warning" "caution" "Proceed At Your Own Risk" . But as I held my hand there, as I smiled and the breeze of the heavens stroked my hair, as I looked into your eyes, all the signs disappeared. You were blinded. The great stars and galaxies there behind me so enticing. Floating there, suspended in your grace. 

And so forward you stepped. You reached for my hand, eyes locked. I smiled so widely then, let my fingers stretch. And then you took hold. 

Everything spiraled , the platform left and we were the swirl of the milkyway. We were running upon great runways of stardust, laughing and dancing, spinning round and round. All the glory , all the color, ours to tread upon. 

And there in the center, upon a bed of a million stars, we made love with our souls. The galaxies glowed, and sang us music. We tasted the center , we felt it, we understood it. We walked the streets of space, and I showed you worlds you had never before fathomed. I took you so far beyond the reach of any comprehension, until the darkness grew and the stars became less. Until the galaxies began to run out and the dust disappeared. 

And as your step slowed, and the silence crept upon you, you saw you were alone. There on the edge of blackness , so far from the platform, no sight of the center. You called my name and it rang through the matter, dimmed the light. You began to stumble, began to fear, choked by the blackness. No one there to help you. Where was the platform? Where was the way from which you had come? The darkness before you was for drowning. And when I appeared to you I told you I was sorry. But it was only the stardust, and when you reached for my hand the dust scattered, as did I. As you fell to your knees, there was a bell so far in the distance. You knew it was so far off, so very far off, but you rose to your feet. You crawled through the empty space, away from the galaxies. So very far away.